WHAT ABOUT ME?

Micael

being myself is a state of mind

This is the my most personal text I've written here so far. I've just finished the fourth and final season of "Sex Education". And I can't help but share how this season left me in tears in nearly every episode. The show isn't overly dramatic though - It has a light-hearted vibe while addressing some significant issues - I’m just a big crier.

Context: "Sex Education" is a Netflix series that dives deep into vital topics for teenagers. We're talking about issues like transgender experiences, disabilities, abusive relationships, gender, religion, unsupportive parents, self-love, and problems that go way beyond sex.

This season hit me hard, but not because of the characters or the show itself. But because every episode felt like a flashback to my younger self. Back then I was struggling with so many internal demons about my identity and sexuality - while dealing with the external demons of a very homophobic family and a conservative mother. I didn't like myself for a long time because of them. I felt wrong. And the world can be a painfully lonely place when you feel like you are flawed.

Whether at school, at church or at home, there wasn’t a safe place. And even being young, we learned to pretend that we don’t hear. That we don’t care. The whispers at Christmas lunch, the unsteady looks of our parents’ friends, the gossips in the corridor. All the anger and resentment toward us.

Here’s a thing no one knows: When I was a little kid - and didn't even know what sexuality was - I used to fall asleep on my knees while praying. After saying goodnight to my mother, I prayed fervently to God, until I fall asleep. I remember pouring all my heart and soul into a thought, believing that if I wished hard enough, it might reach God's ears:

I felt utterly alone back then, desperate to change who I was.

In fact, one of the biggest challenges I faced afterwards was learning who I am beneath all the layers I used to built up. How do I speak when I am not forcing a more masculine tone? How would I like to dress if I wasn't trying to dress like everyone else? It was a daily exercise to search the answers and start the process of allowing myself to just be.

Fast forward a few years and now I'm finally getting to know myself, a bit more everyday, and I ultimately understand why you guys like me so much: I really am an incredible person. Some might say almost an utopic state of mind. 🤭 

 It is heartwarming to think that countless pre-teens will watch this show and recognize themselves in the character's struggles. I adore the fact that kids today won't spend hours praying to be someone they're not. And I truly wish the next generation of parents teach them about self-love and acceptance from day one, as they were supposed to. 

Micael. 

ps: Despite coming from a conservative family, I do need to point out how lucky I was to have an amazing father who ignited the spark of self-esteem that I have today (some might say in excess...). And a special shoutout to Rodrigo, my guiding star through the labyrinth of understanding my sexuality, self-discovery, and self-love. I love you both.