WHAT ABOUT ME?

Micael

not quite there, but getting there

I've been thinking a lot about what to write today. The last few weeks have been tough, and I wasn't sure if I should talk about these hard times or find something lighter to cheer you guys up. However, as I said on the 10th edition writing here feels almost like therapy to me, and I believe it's important to share the not-so-good stuff too.

There's an old saying that goes something like, "You can't be all good-looking and have a perfectly working stomach" and I've found that to be painfully true. These past two weeks, I've been in and out of the hospital with stomach problems like IBS and gastritis – you name it, I had it. On top of that, I suddenly couldn't sleep for about a week, which was really scary. My body was exhausted, getting tired by the minute and I just couldn't sleep, no matter what. Even after the pain meds started working, I was still wide awake. It was honestly one of the most scary experiences of my life. Being awake for seven days straight.

But why am I sharing this?

1. Because sharing the tough stuff, not just the Instagram-worthy moments, feels right to me. It’s kind of a personal exercise to share something that doesn’t align with the perfect version of me that I like you guys to see.

2. I've had some realizations these past weeks that I want to talk about.

First, the obvious. That saying at the start of the newsletter? It's truly how I feel about our health. You might think you have a hundred problems, but when your health goes downhill, it suddenly becomes your only problem. I was so caught up in work, hitting the gym, finding ways to safe money, writing this newsletter, meditating, side projects, dancing. Then, BAM, everything stopped. For two weeks, all I could focus on was getting better. We often take for granted just how lucky we are when our body is working right. Our body is this complex universe of things, and even when one little part stops working well, it can throw everything off. We do not appreciate this enough. I have so many readers that are smoking every single day even though they are fully aware of the damage they are causing to themselves - same for drinking, eating crap or not exercising. We are so lucky - and it is never bad to show some gratitude and appreciation by taking care of ourselves. 

Second, family is everything. I really wished my mom was here. Don't get me wrong, my friends and housemates were amazing, taking me to the hospital and helping out. But there's a kind of support only family can give – and it doesn't matter how old you are. You might still want your mom when things get tough. I've been away from my family for five years and my mom for over ten. I might get myself thinking that I got used to it or that I do not even miss it anymore. But I do. I miss it everyday and living far from your family can get really lonely - especially in moments like this. 

I want to take this moment to thank my mom for her support. She honestly would move mountains to see me better in a way that probably no one else ever will. So, go give your mom a call, spend some quality time with your family. No one ever regretted saying an extra I love you to the people that love you the most. 

I'm getting better now. I'm not 100% yet, but I'm on my way. I'm sleeping again and starting to make peace with my stomach. Thanks for letting me share this with you. I hope it helps you in some way.

Neoqeav,
Micael.