WHAT ABOUT ME?

Micael

hold your breath and count to ten

A lot of people here know that I’ve always been really insecure about my height. In fact, when I was a kid, I used to say to my dad — almost like I was blaming him — that my biggest fear in life was becoming a short guy.

My dad, who isn’t very tall himself, once paused, looked me in the eyes, and said:

“Well, I’m not tall. And your mom isn’t tall either… — so there’s a chance your biggest fear might come true. But if it does, maybe that’s a good thing. Because once you face your biggest fear, there’s nothing left to fear anymore.”

Years passed… and here I am: two meters tall.

But he was right in his own way. I did grow up — and although I’m still insecure about my height sometimes, I live a pretty good life for someone whose “worst case scenario” actually happened.

What my dad didn’t tell me, though, is that once you conquer one fear, a new one takes its place. And the cycle continues.

• Here’s a confession: I’m a very fearful person. I think I hide it pretty well, but so many of my choices and behaviors are shaped by fear. I tend to be cautious. I always have a plan A, plan B, plan C… and backup options for when those fail. I like to research, ask mentors, think things through — all because I’m afraid. Afraid that things won’t work out. Afraid that I’ll fail and not have a safety net. Afraid of falling and not getting back up.

A few years ago, over dinner, my friend Bruno stopped me mid-conversation. I was telling him I was choosing a safer path for my future — something solid, something I could depend on. He looked at me and said:

“Look at what you’ve already accomplished. Have you ever stopped to think about what you could’ve done if you weren’t always driven by fear?”

Honestly? Fuck Bruno. That sentence has haunted me ever since — in the best way. It became a recurring topic in therapy, a few songs, and many long nights of reflection.

After I moved past the fear of being short, new ones took over. Some of them were quieter, but heavier. And recently, one of those fears came true. A big one. A very personal one. And once again, I found myself face to face with the thing I dreaded most.

But here I am: Still standing. Still showing up. Still trying.

I don’t think I’ll ever become fearless. But I also don’t think that’s the goal. Fear can protect us from danger — it has its purpose. But fear shouldn’t lead our lives. I genuinely believe the universe sometimes puts us in front of our biggest fears just to remind us of how resilient we are. Just to whisper: “See? You’re stronger than you thought.”

I’m learning a lot about my own resilience. And more than that — I’m learning to trust it.

• Some days I still wake up scared. I rehearse the worst-case scenario. I draft the backup plan. I pretend I’m in control. But there’s also a growing part of me that knows — for real — that I’ll figure it out when I get there. That not everything needs to be predicted or protected. That fear doesn’t have to be a wall; it can be a signpost.

And maybe that’s what courage really is: Choosing to believe in the person you're becoming.

With love,
Micael.