WHAT ABOUT ME?

Micael

the responsibility is always yours

Over the past year, I’ve received a certain kind of feedback more than once — usually after someone vents to me about a relationship, a fight with family, or a rough situation at work. The feedback goes something like this: “You always flip it back on me instead of just supporting my complaints.”

And honestly? Fair. Sometimes, you just want to complain and have someone listen. I get that. But it did make me think.

Whenever I can, I bring up self-responsibility — because to me, it’s the only real way to change any situation. And I’ve come to realize: that idea really bothers some people.

• We all want things to get better. We want to be treated better. We want our spouse to admire us, our boss to stop being toxic, our parents to accept our dreams. But the hard truth is — none of that is in our control.

What is in our control? Our actions. Our choices. What we tolerate. What we walk away from. That’s it. It’s not that I’m blaming you, dear tanameser — I’m holding you responsible. And there’s a big difference between guilt and responsibility.

Guilt paralyzes. It makes us feel like victims of something we can’t change.
Responsibility? That gives us power. It says: Even if it wasn’t your fault, it’s still your life. What are you going to do with it?

The truth is, many people hold on to their pain because without it, they don’t know who they are. Suffering, anger, frustration — they become identity.
(But that’s a topic for another time.)

• When someone suggests that maybe the way forward isn’t waiting for the other person to change — but changing yourself — the first reaction is usually resistance. It’s hard. It’s uncomfortable. It can feel like giving up your indignation means saying everything that happened to you was “okay.”

But here’s the thing: it’s not okay. But that’s not the point.

The point is — continuing in that same cycle, waiting for something to change outside of you? That’s not the answer either.

You can stay stuck, feeding the idea that life has been unfair. Or you can do something different. That’s the choice. And if I seem too blunt when people come to me, that’s really all I’m trying to say:

You’re not to blame for what happened to you.
But you are responsible for what happens next.

People are going to disappoint you. Life is going to disappoint you. That’s a given.

What are you going to do about it?

With love,

M.